Memories

The other day, I was talking to a mom who said that she wasn't in a hurry to take her child to the zoo because the baby wouldn't remember it anyway. I was shocked and saddened at the same time...for her and for her baby. Every time we take B on a new adventure, I know that he won't remember any of it, but I will. As his momma, I'm the keeper of his memories. I take this job very seriously (as you can tell by the number of photos on my iPhone). My job is to make sure that I live in the moment with him, lock it away in my memories and then paint him a picture some day so that my memories become his. Will he remember that time that him and my dad walked around JC Penney, looking at the lights and "picking up women"? No. But I will. Will he remember his first time at a farm, seeing cows and goats? No. But I will. Will he remember his first, 2nd and 3rd wine tastings and how fascinated he was, watching the wine, swirling in the glasses? No. But I will. Someday, I'll tell him all about the many adventures that he's been on, and he'll be amazed (or maybe appalled). But, when he asks, I'll show him photos and tell him about the fun that we had with him. Maybe he won't remember the exact moment that he saw fish at the zoo for the first time, but that will be a moment that I'll never forget. I hope that the awe in my voice and the tears in my eyes when I tell him someday, will create a whole other memory for him that will be with him always.

Changes

Last Saturday, I gave $2 to a homeless man.

I can't think of the last time that I was compelled to give my hard earned money to anyone who I felt wasn't doing their part to earn their own. On Saturday, something felt different. I had just picked up lunch for a friend and their new baby. I was sitting at a red light, in my new-ish car, with my clean clothes and my son, sleeping in the seat behind me. I saw a man standing in the median with a sign claiming that he needed work and money. His clothes were filthy and if he wasn't homeless, he was a damn good actor. I watched him for a minute and saw someone else offer some cash. He limped over to the car with a limp that looked genuine and very painful. The only thought that I had in my head was, "he is someone's son." 

When that thought flashed across my brain, I realized that the changes brought on by becoming a mother have been more drastic than I originally thought. Prior to B's arrival, my thoughts would have been, "I'm not giving drug money" or "He's probably going to drink the cash away" or "I bet his BMW is parked around the corner and he's one hell of an actor." 

Six months ago, I would have driven right by him, without a second thought. Instead, I reached into my wallet, found $2, rolled down my window and handed it to a stranger. I didn't care what he was going to use it for, I just cared that someone's son was standing there, with a sign and he needed help. I knew that if that was my son, that I'd want someone to roll down their window, give him money and make him feel better.

As I drove away, I said a little prayer that he'd find what he was looking for and that he'd get enough that day to make things a little easier for him. I also said a prayer that my son would never have to know what hardship like that felt like.

Living on less

Baby B has had a significant impact on the amount of fun money that we have to spend. To offset the cost of childcare and my new Zulily habit, we're trying to live on less. As is typical of me, I keep getting distracted by shiny objects and then find myself swirling in a sea of contradiction. Here are a few examples:

• The coupons that I proudly printed and cut out from Coupons.com didn't scan at the grocery store, so to get my $5.35 in savings, I sent Nick BACK to the store, reprinted coupons and receipt in hand 
• On Friday, while in the car on the way to Pittsburgh, I purchased a brand new llama collar for Chino. I mean, how could I say no to this? By the way, if you are looking for really cute and durable collars for your furbaby - I highly recommend collars from The Mod Dog on Etsy
  
• We are currently in the midst of "Eat what you have week" because I am determined to use up as many of our existing groceries as we can before going to the grocery store on Sunday
• I just purchased 12 bottles of foaming hand soap (they were on sale...but 12? yes 12)

Unfortunately, I've perfected the art of justification. Here's an example: I'm no longer drinking beer at bars, and I would have bought the llama collar anyway, so therefore I'm actually ahead and because I have to go to work every day, I deserve to be able to buy this llama collar for my mutt who already has 15 collars. Yes, I can read the crazy. 

As we continue to adapt to live with Baby B, we ARE getting better at living on less and/or justifying frivolous expenses. Really, if you would see a before/after of our Visa bill, you'd be shocked and amazed at the amount of money we were spending on beer. The growing pains are still...painful. It takes a lot of adjustment to go from DINKS to DIOKS.