Breast Feeding - What they didn't tell me

Shortly after B was born, I captured my birth story, but I've been hesitant to write about my breast feeding story because it isn't over yet. I'm only on chapter 9 1/2 of at least 12. I may have more to share after the pump is packed away and I can finally go back to (my version of) normal bras.

Before B was born, I had decided that I would nurse, if I could. I knew at it was important and I also knew that what my body was making for him was exactly what he needed. In the back of my head, I gave myself permission to switch to formula if I had to, but I hoped and prayed that it wouldn't be necessary.

When B was born, I thought that he would just know what to do. I mean, his primary job in life was to eat so he could poop, pee, sleep and repeat. Boy, was I wrong. He didn't know how to latch and neither did I. While we were in the hospital, I struggled with different positions, trying to help him get with the program. I  asked for help from nurses and met with  lactation consultants. He would latch for a minute or two and then let go. I was frustrated and hormonal and creeping closer to throwing in the towel. B was losing weight, which made me nervous, but I continued to try. Thankfully, my mom was there to remind me that nursing was hard and I had to stick with it. Looking back, I'm so glad that I did. Hindsight is 20/20, and now that I look back, I know why we struggled so much. My milk hadn't come in yet. Simple as that. Once the liquid gold started flowing, B got with the program, started gaining weight and we never looked back.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very, very grateful for the information that the lactation consultants and nurses shared with me. I can't help but feel, though, that some information was left out. Maybe it is because they hadn't been nursing moms for awhile and they forgot about the bad parts and also what it was like to have this brand new, tiny human to take care of. That is completely understandable, if we didn't forget about those parts, this world would be full of only children. I'm such an optimistic person, so maybe the problem was me, expecting more rainbows and unicorns? Either way - this is some of the information that I wished I had known before baby B was ready to latch on.

• They said that breast feeding shouldn't hurt, it should be a "gentle tugging." I have to say, during those first few weeks, it hurt like hell. Imagine someone sucking on your nipple for hours and hours each day. Of course it is going to hurt. The good news? It passed quickly after the girls toughened up. The bad news? Until that happened, it felt like B was chomping down on my nipples when he latched on. The better news? He is too little to remember the swear words that I screamed before my nips were properly conditioned.

• They told me that there would be days that I was feeding him a lot. That was basically the understatement of the year. Two words: cluster feeding. Look it up. Cluster feeding is what your baby does when he needs you to kick up the milk supply. Cluster feeding means that you will literally be feeding him or her CONSTANTLY. Had I known the magnitude of those two words, I would have saved myself the time and heartache, trying to calm a hungry newborn that had just eaten.

• Nipple confusion. Thinking back, this cracks me up. I know that he was literally born yesterday when I heard about this, but I can't see how he could confuse a nipple that produces food with one that doesn't. Just sayin'.

• Proper nursing position. They tried to show me how to make B lay when it was time to eat. Try as I might, he wouldn't cooperate. Baby's gonna do what baby's gonna do. If input and output are happening as they should, let him do what he wants as long as its comfortable for the both of you.

• Formula is not the devil. Personally, I never had to use it, but its there if you need it and I have a friend who had to supplement until her milk came in. Both her and her baby are doing wonderfully and she is one that made it to 12 months of successful breast feeding.

• The gave me these little tubes of Lanisoh to apply to my nipples after each feeding. As I look back, I wonder if that made things a little too slippery for B, screwing up his latch. It did prevent cracked and chapped nips though, which is definitely a good thing.

Now that I'm into month 9 of mommy hood and breast feeding, I can say proudly that I did it. I'm a full-time working mom with a happy, healthy baby boy. I even managed to produce enough milk to have a stash in the freezer (thanks to my trusty Medela Freestyle Pump). Was it easy? No. Was I a tad neurotic when it came to nursing and Pumping? Yes, because protecting that food supply is one of the most important jobs that I had during this first year.

As I'm watching my supply reduce in response to B's adventurous palette, I have mixed emotions. I'm sad that my little baby is getting bigger, but so proud that he's quitting me, naturally and gradually and even prouder of myself that I'm seeing this through and never gave up.

Don't get me wrong, I received some great and super useful information. I don't mean to be negative, but I wish that I had heard more of the bad to go along with the good. Knowing that I wasn't doing something wrong would have helped calm my crazy hormones...or at least refocus them on to another area of perceived inadequacy.