It happened

At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was in pseudo-denial about what was going to be happening to me, to Nick and to our family. I mean, I understood that yes, I was pregnant and that came with a whole list of changes that needed to happen immediately, but in the back of my head, I wasn't comprehending WHAT was going to happen. The fact that I had "no symptoms" and that it was taking me forever to start showing was fueling my denial in what was happening. Every time I would proclaim that I had no symptoms, Nick would remind me that I had just eaten an entire bag of potato chips or that the smell of grilled pineapple made me gag. He'd also remind me that I had a ponytail holder holding my jeans together because they wouldn't button. But you know, I had no symptoms.

As the knowledge of my bun in the oven became more public, friends at work would ask how I was doing and I'd (half) jokingly reply that I was fine, happily in denial that this whole thing was happening. I'd also add that I was expecting to have some major meltdown at an inappropriate time or place, probably shortly before the baby was born. I'd "ha ha" and then go about my business. Well, after months of making this idle threat/promise - it happened. On Saturday. At Dirty Franks Hot Dog Palace.

Do I know myself or what? It was supposed to be a fun day, Nick's birthday observed. Inappropriate time. Check. We had just been seated at Dirty Franks and were about to enjoy some tasty hot dog and tater tot goodness. Inappropriate place. Check. I am around 7 1/2 months pregnant. Yep - I squeezed this in before the baby was born. Check.

I think that the emotions, nerves and preparation all caught up with me somewhere in the middle of our "Baby Care Basics" class on Saturday morning. It was a great class, but it went through a ton of information, lots of do's and don'ts and if's and what-ifs, crammed into about 3 hours. My brain was trying to absorb everything that I could, so I can be the best mom that I can be and somewhere toward the end, it reached capacity. All I was hearing was all of the things that COULD happen if I didn't follow certain precautions or guidelines. Then I was afraid that I'd forget everything that I learned and would somehow mess up this little person before it had a chance to become a little person.

After we walked out of class, I had a horrible stomach ache. On our way to Dirty Franks, I was short with Nick, very cranky. He diagnosed me as hungry (yep, he was right), but we both missed the fact that part of my stomach ache was a huge knot that was brewing. When we sit down and he asked me what was wrong, the tears started. I cried about the crib bumper (apparently a death trap), about SIDS, about the next 5 weeks, about our changing lives and about my changing body. He listened to me and told me that everything was going to be ok. I believed him, and the meltdown was over.

In retrospect, I'm glad that the meltdown happened, as expected and that it was in a public place. Had it been in the car or at home, it would have turned into one of those cries that doesn't stop...you know the kind that happens when watching Beaches, by yourself, after a couple of glasses of wine? I don't know if there is meltdown, round 2, waiting to surface, but for now, I feel a little better and am now back to being focused on our new life that's about to happen.