Rules

Since Nick and I have been together, I've been working to educate him on the rules of the female species. Most of these rules are ingrained in us as women, by our mothers, who learned from their mothers, etc. These same rules are pretty ridiculous when you think of them, but rules are rules. Every time I mention one, Nick rolls his eyes at the pure ridiculousness of them. Here are some key rules that he's learned so far. They're in no particular order and some may apply solely to me, but here it goes:

1. I (and most women) don't poop in public unless its a code red, level 3 emergency. Even then, great lengths are taken to ensure that anonymity is preserved and that I'm completely alone in an acceptable, private, clean restroom.
2. If I fart in public, he did it.
3. The women's shoe department in any store is a free for all. There isn't much order, its every woman for herself.
4. I don't pee at rest areas, so don't ask.
5. Women are raunchy, but mostly in the presence of other women and no, we won't share what we talked about.
6. If its on sale, I probably need it.
7. I'm not a crier - but if it relates to my dog, all bets are off (I'm crying as I type this, thanks to a Subaru commercial involving a chocolate lab)
8. What's mine is mine and what's his is ours

And the latest rule:

If my fingers are too swollen to wear my wedding and/or engagement ring, an acceptable substitute must be purchased so that it doesn't look like I'm an unwed spinster who got knocked up after a one night stand in a country music bar. 

When I unleashed this latest one on him, he just looked at me and said, "What?" He's used to my craziness, so to catch him off-guard with this one was pretty fun. I proceeded to explain to him that this was no joke. Women looked at things like this and when they saw another pregnant woman without a ring, they judge. We can't help it. 

Why do I care? I have no idea - maybe its the ingrained rules from my mom, or maybe its instincts or maybe its because I'm guilty of the judgement for naked fingers - horrible and insensitive, I know. Regardless, when I had to take my wedding band off, I was disappointed. It means a lot and I love wearing it, but I was afraid that it would have to be cut off of me if I didn't do something. Luckily, my engagement ring was always a tad too big, so I'm able to keep it on. At least, I look like he put a ring on it after he got me knocked up. Its very celebrity, if I do say so myself.