New undies

This weekend, Nick and I headed to Chicago for our first baby free weekend to celebrate the marriage of two great friends. Yes. Baby Free. For the first time, since baby B took up residence in my belly, I was away from him.

We rushed to get ourselves together and packed and managed to get the suitcases closed and in the car. I quickly said goodbye to my mom and to B and then got in.  I'm not going to lie, when we pulled out of the driveway, on our way to the airport, I had tears in my eyes. Nick knew that I wasn't ok, and made small talk with my dad in the front seat, while I calmed myself down. I felt like the best and worst mom all at once. I felt good because I knew that he would be ok (seriously, I survived, so my parents obviously know what they're doing) but felt terrible because I was leaving my baby boy for a WHOLE WEEKEND, which included two nights without his momma.

Once I composed myself, I was pleasantly surprised that I (for the most part), returned to my normal self. I felt my batteries recharging, I felt myself relax. I say relax, but if you have ever traveled with me, you know that relaxation is a relative term when it comes to exploring new spaces.

On the flight home, I had some time to think and realized that the the two-ish days that I was away from B, were very important for many reasons. They let me reconnect with Nick and with myself, which will ultimately let me be a better momma to B. My previous "normal" was now strange in a way. I only had a small purse when I left the hotel instead of three bags and a baby. I was only responsible for getting myself dressed and ready, although I'm apparently a little rusty as it turned out that I forgot to pack underwear. Thankfully, we were in a civilized city and Nick is fully capable of going to Walgreens and picking out an acceptable three-pack for the both of us. Despite the minor mishap, I have to say that it felt good to reconnect with the pre-parent versions of ourselves and with each other.

At the wedding reception, wearing our new undies under our fancy clothes

Although the tiny human was never far from our thoughts and we missed him terribly, we took great care not to discuss him 24/7. I think this is extremely important so that we don't lose ourselves and each other in being the best parents that we can be. Eventually, it will be back to just the two of us and I want to be sure we still have stuff to talk about. It was also important because it gave B time to spend with his Grammy and Grampy, who don't live close enough to just pop in and visit. They got to take him antiquing and out to ice cream and to brunch, and they had him all to themselves. Knowing the fun that they were having, and feeling their excitement, made it much easier for me to be away.

When our flight landed, I was ready to see B. We picked our bags up and I walked out to anxiously wait for my parents to bring the car around. When I saw my baby recognize me, I felt my heart swell. That moment of recognition was hard to describe, but seeing him see me was so very cool.

When we got back the house and I picked him up, I felt right. He did too. There was no hesitation, he just knew. Maybe he didn't miss me until that moment, and that is ok. I hope that he was having so much fun that he didn't realize I was gone until I was back.

I don't think I realized how out of whack I was until I wasn't anymore. The few days away to just be me renewed my perspective and helped me reconnect and recenter. This feeling is something that I'm going to try to remember so that when I need some time for me, even if its just a few minutes, I take it.