Memories

The other day, I was talking to a mom who said that she wasn't in a hurry to take her child to the zoo because the baby wouldn't remember it anyway. I was shocked and saddened at the same time...for her and for her baby. Every time we take B on a new adventure, I know that he won't remember any of it, but I will. As his momma, I'm the keeper of his memories. I take this job very seriously (as you can tell by the number of photos on my iPhone). My job is to make sure that I live in the moment with him, lock it away in my memories and then paint him a picture some day so that my memories become his. Will he remember that time that him and my dad walked around JC Penney, looking at the lights and "picking up women"? No. But I will. Will he remember his first time at a farm, seeing cows and goats? No. But I will. Will he remember his first, 2nd and 3rd wine tastings and how fascinated he was, watching the wine, swirling in the glasses? No. But I will. Someday, I'll tell him all about the many adventures that he's been on, and he'll be amazed (or maybe appalled). But, when he asks, I'll show him photos and tell him about the fun that we had with him. Maybe he won't remember the exact moment that he saw fish at the zoo for the first time, but that will be a moment that I'll never forget. I hope that the awe in my voice and the tears in my eyes when I tell him someday, will create a whole other memory for him that will be with him always.

Changes

Last Saturday, I gave $2 to a homeless man.

I can't think of the last time that I was compelled to give my hard earned money to anyone who I felt wasn't doing their part to earn their own. On Saturday, something felt different. I had just picked up lunch for a friend and their new baby. I was sitting at a red light, in my new-ish car, with my clean clothes and my son, sleeping in the seat behind me. I saw a man standing in the median with a sign claiming that he needed work and money. His clothes were filthy and if he wasn't homeless, he was a damn good actor. I watched him for a minute and saw someone else offer some cash. He limped over to the car with a limp that looked genuine and very painful. The only thought that I had in my head was, "he is someone's son." 

When that thought flashed across my brain, I realized that the changes brought on by becoming a mother have been more drastic than I originally thought. Prior to B's arrival, my thoughts would have been, "I'm not giving drug money" or "He's probably going to drink the cash away" or "I bet his BMW is parked around the corner and he's one hell of an actor." 

Six months ago, I would have driven right by him, without a second thought. Instead, I reached into my wallet, found $2, rolled down my window and handed it to a stranger. I didn't care what he was going to use it for, I just cared that someone's son was standing there, with a sign and he needed help. I knew that if that was my son, that I'd want someone to roll down their window, give him money and make him feel better.

As I drove away, I said a little prayer that he'd find what he was looking for and that he'd get enough that day to make things a little easier for him. I also said a prayer that my son would never have to know what hardship like that felt like.

Living on less

Baby B has had a significant impact on the amount of fun money that we have to spend. To offset the cost of childcare and my new Zulily habit, we're trying to live on less. As is typical of me, I keep getting distracted by shiny objects and then find myself swirling in a sea of contradiction. Here are a few examples:

• The coupons that I proudly printed and cut out from Coupons.com didn't scan at the grocery store, so to get my $5.35 in savings, I sent Nick BACK to the store, reprinted coupons and receipt in hand 
• On Friday, while in the car on the way to Pittsburgh, I purchased a brand new llama collar for Chino. I mean, how could I say no to this? By the way, if you are looking for really cute and durable collars for your furbaby - I highly recommend collars from The Mod Dog on Etsy
  
• We are currently in the midst of "Eat what you have week" because I am determined to use up as many of our existing groceries as we can before going to the grocery store on Sunday
• I just purchased 12 bottles of foaming hand soap (they were on sale...but 12? yes 12)

Unfortunately, I've perfected the art of justification. Here's an example: I'm no longer drinking beer at bars, and I would have bought the llama collar anyway, so therefore I'm actually ahead and because I have to go to work every day, I deserve to be able to buy this llama collar for my mutt who already has 15 collars. Yes, I can read the crazy. 

As we continue to adapt to live with Baby B, we ARE getting better at living on less and/or justifying frivolous expenses. Really, if you would see a before/after of our Visa bill, you'd be shocked and amazed at the amount of money we were spending on beer. The growing pains are still...painful. It takes a lot of adjustment to go from DINKS to DIOKS.

Month Five

These photo shoots are getting more and more challenging!

Dear B,

I really can't believe that five months has gone by since you joined our family. Time flies when you're having fun, but it also flies when you're sleep deprived, working full time and trying to get a handle on this whole parenting gig. The last month has been a whirlwind of more firsts and lots of fun as we continue our metamorphosis from DINKs to parents (wait, does that make us DIKs or DIOKs?).  We've had another busy month! Here are some of the highlights:

• Your 4-month Dr. appointment - you took your shots like a champ
• Your first time alone all day with Daddy! 
• A trip to the home show (you loved the fountains)
• Mastering the art of tummy time (backs are for babies)
• Rolling - EVERYWHERE (only one mishap so far)
• First tooth
• Lots of smiles
• Your first real laugh (at me!)
• Another trip to Wyandotte Winery
• St. Patrick's day
• Your first time riding in the cart at Kroger
• Learning how to kick your legs in the bathtub
• Second tooth!

You are fascinated by Chino, and although he won't admit it, we think he likes you too. 

Tummy Time

You still love my singing voice and it is one of the few things that can soothe you if you are tired, hungry or both. 

I love weekends!

We haven't given you food yet, but you love the plastic spoon that you get to play with while we eat dinner every night. We take you everywhere, which means that you can sleep everywhere. But, when you're awake, you want to be right in the middle of the action and not sitting in your carseat, off to the side. 

Date night at Marcos - your first time in your travel high chair!

You have such a bright and easy-going personality with a tough guy spirit. I can already tell that you are brave and strong, with a kind heart. You bring such joy to our lives and we are continually amazed by how much you change every day. I'm so thankful for you because you are the only one who has helped me to enjoy the moments and live in the now. I am grateful for you and so happy to be your mom. 

Love,

Momma

Temporary Insanity

I've figured out that being a mom also comes with periods of temporary insanity. During moments like these, it is very important to have someone around to talk you off the ledge and bring you back to reality.

Shortly before this photographic moment, Nick talked me out of thinking that at $100 adirondack chair, for someone who can't even sit up, was a good idea. I'm still not convinced.

Told you so

He was laughing while I took this photo.

I told you that our new adventures would be covered with poop and spit-up. I'm ok with that because they're also full of these deliciously fat baby legs.

Month Four

Dear B,

Yesterday, you turned four months old. Apparently this is when I stop counting your life in weeks and switch over to months. I'm glad, because honestly, I was cheating on my phone to see how many weeks you were and unless the person asking was a mom, they just gave me a blank stare. So from now on - months it is.

Attempting to take your 4 month photo. This one is my favorite

The fun part is really starting. You laugh and smile at me every day. Your personality is really starting to come through and I have to thank you for being one of the most easy going and laid back babies that I've ever met. You take our inexperience in stride and pretty much tell us what we need to do. You only cry when you're tired or hungry and both of those situations are easily fixable.

I've been back at work for about a month now, and we've figured out a routine. Honestly, I have a love/hate relationship with being a working mom. I want you to know that your daddy and I didn't take this decision lightly. We crunched the numbers, and realized that, at least for the time being, I have to be a working mom. The good thing about this is that you get to spend your days with Lana and all of your friends. I know that you're enjoying all of the activity that you get to watch and they're all enjoying having you there. Your friend Gavin is very protective of you and you're giving him good practice for when he becomes a big brother this summer.

Working from home with Momma

All of the activity during the day really tires you out at night. You are awake when I pick you up and sometimes take a cat nap in the car on the way home. I selfishly hope that you sleep for a long time, so I can enjoy some additional awake time with you in the evening. Usually though, nap or no nap, around 7-7:30, you start to fuss, telling us that its time for bath, boob and bed. When the fussing starts, I sing you your favorite song, "If you're happy and you know it" and you're powerless to resist. The fussiness changes to smiles as I get you ready for your bath time. Our final chorus of, "If you're happy and you know it, throw a diap at dad" almost always gets you to laugh. After I throw your diaper, we get you into the tub for some relaxation before bed.

As much as you've changed our lives, you've done a great job fitting in. We take you everywhere. We go to the store, to lunches and dinners, to friends and family's house and even into mommy's work. You just hang out in your seat or sit on our laps and enjoy the view. If you are awake, you love to sit up and look around. If you're sleeping, you can sleep through just about anything.

At Wyandotte Winery

I'm having so much fun being your mom and getting to know you. I love that you think that my singing voice is the best ever. I love that you don't mind when Chino sneaks in some kisses. I love that you are so strong. I love how brave you were at the doctor's office when you got your shots. I love how pleasant and happy you've been, even though you've had a cold for a month. Yes. A month. I love how you smile the biggest smiles at me and how you're starting to giggle. I love how you and your daddy have a whole separate way of playing. I love how being a mom makes me feel.

I know that everyone says that time really flies when it comes to your kids, and I agree. But, as someone who was always planning that next big thing, you have forced me to slow down, to enjoy every moment and to live in the now. So, I don't want to keep you young and I don't want you to get older, I want you to be just as you are at this very moment..and the next and the next.

Love,
Momma