Rules

Since Nick and I have been together, I've been working to educate him on the rules of the female species. Most of these rules are ingrained in us as women, by our mothers, who learned from their mothers, etc. These same rules are pretty ridiculous when you think of them, but rules are rules. Every time I mention one, Nick rolls his eyes at the pure ridiculousness of them. Here are some key rules that he's learned so far. They're in no particular order and some may apply solely to me, but here it goes:

1. I (and most women) don't poop in public unless its a code red, level 3 emergency. Even then, great lengths are taken to ensure that anonymity is preserved and that I'm completely alone in an acceptable, private, clean restroom.
2. If I fart in public, he did it.
3. The women's shoe department in any store is a free for all. There isn't much order, its every woman for herself.
4. I don't pee at rest areas, so don't ask.
5. Women are raunchy, but mostly in the presence of other women and no, we won't share what we talked about.
6. If its on sale, I probably need it.
7. I'm not a crier - but if it relates to my dog, all bets are off (I'm crying as I type this, thanks to a Subaru commercial involving a chocolate lab)
8. What's mine is mine and what's his is ours

And the latest rule:

If my fingers are too swollen to wear my wedding and/or engagement ring, an acceptable substitute must be purchased so that it doesn't look like I'm an unwed spinster who got knocked up after a one night stand in a country music bar. 

When I unleashed this latest one on him, he just looked at me and said, "What?" He's used to my craziness, so to catch him off-guard with this one was pretty fun. I proceeded to explain to him that this was no joke. Women looked at things like this and when they saw another pregnant woman without a ring, they judge. We can't help it. 

Why do I care? I have no idea - maybe its the ingrained rules from my mom, or maybe its instincts or maybe its because I'm guilty of the judgement for naked fingers - horrible and insensitive, I know. Regardless, when I had to take my wedding band off, I was disappointed. It means a lot and I love wearing it, but I was afraid that it would have to be cut off of me if I didn't do something. Luckily, my engagement ring was always a tad too big, so I'm able to keep it on. At least, I look like he put a ring on it after he got me knocked up. Its very celebrity, if I do say so myself.

It happened

At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was in pseudo-denial about what was going to be happening to me, to Nick and to our family. I mean, I understood that yes, I was pregnant and that came with a whole list of changes that needed to happen immediately, but in the back of my head, I wasn't comprehending WHAT was going to happen. The fact that I had "no symptoms" and that it was taking me forever to start showing was fueling my denial in what was happening. Every time I would proclaim that I had no symptoms, Nick would remind me that I had just eaten an entire bag of potato chips or that the smell of grilled pineapple made me gag. He'd also remind me that I had a ponytail holder holding my jeans together because they wouldn't button. But you know, I had no symptoms.

As the knowledge of my bun in the oven became more public, friends at work would ask how I was doing and I'd (half) jokingly reply that I was fine, happily in denial that this whole thing was happening. I'd also add that I was expecting to have some major meltdown at an inappropriate time or place, probably shortly before the baby was born. I'd "ha ha" and then go about my business. Well, after months of making this idle threat/promise - it happened. On Saturday. At Dirty Franks Hot Dog Palace.

Do I know myself or what? It was supposed to be a fun day, Nick's birthday observed. Inappropriate time. Check. We had just been seated at Dirty Franks and were about to enjoy some tasty hot dog and tater tot goodness. Inappropriate place. Check. I am around 7 1/2 months pregnant. Yep - I squeezed this in before the baby was born. Check.

I think that the emotions, nerves and preparation all caught up with me somewhere in the middle of our "Baby Care Basics" class on Saturday morning. It was a great class, but it went through a ton of information, lots of do's and don'ts and if's and what-ifs, crammed into about 3 hours. My brain was trying to absorb everything that I could, so I can be the best mom that I can be and somewhere toward the end, it reached capacity. All I was hearing was all of the things that COULD happen if I didn't follow certain precautions or guidelines. Then I was afraid that I'd forget everything that I learned and would somehow mess up this little person before it had a chance to become a little person.

After we walked out of class, I had a horrible stomach ache. On our way to Dirty Franks, I was short with Nick, very cranky. He diagnosed me as hungry (yep, he was right), but we both missed the fact that part of my stomach ache was a huge knot that was brewing. When we sit down and he asked me what was wrong, the tears started. I cried about the crib bumper (apparently a death trap), about SIDS, about the next 5 weeks, about our changing lives and about my changing body. He listened to me and told me that everything was going to be ok. I believed him, and the meltdown was over.

In retrospect, I'm glad that the meltdown happened, as expected and that it was in a public place. Had it been in the car or at home, it would have turned into one of those cries that doesn't stop...you know the kind that happens when watching Beaches, by yourself, after a couple of glasses of wine? I don't know if there is meltdown, round 2, waiting to surface, but for now, I feel a little better and am now back to being focused on our new life that's about to happen.

Dear Baby,

If the old wives' tales that are apparently scientific fact are true, then you are going to be born with a full head of hair. If you're a girl, that means that the battles with your Daddy will start early as I try to accessorize you with bows and headbands. If you're a boy, then you're in luck because you're dodging a bullet there. My eating routine is now revolving around what will or will not give me heartburn and when I can eat so that I'm able to sleep without getting up in the middle of night to chug milk from the bottle (it has happened).

Apparently, you're just like me in that you like to eat lightly seasoned food, mostly carbs and no spices or tomatoes. Choosing meals has become a bit of a game with your Daddy and I as he tries to guess what I want to eat at the moment, all while taking into account the probability that whatever we choose will cause heartburn. My go-to dinner lately has been cereal, which you definitely approve of.  I'm not 100% sure if the heartburn is caused by the food I eat or the amount that I eat or caused by your potentially full head of hair.

Believe me, it takes a lot to be sure that you're growing big and strong, but things are getting crowded in there, so my portions have to be smaller and more frequent. I constantly carry a bag of cereal with me and try to have milk on hand at all times, since those seem to alleviate heartburn the best. I've been lucky that I haven't had to feed you any Tums. Mostly that's my stubbornness because I hate taking medicine of any kind. Ask your Daddy about that. It drives him crazy.

We just finished lunch, which was the other 1/2 of a chicken salad croissant and some potato chips. You must approve, because you're going crazy in my belly right now. I keep feeling you kick and squirm and move around, which is very different than the hiccups that you get when I drink something cold.

Its been totally surreal, getting to know your personality before I meet you and guessing at the baby that you'll be when I do. These small details are the ones that I don't want to forget.

Love,
Momma

The crazy is spewing from my mouth

I've been a "pretty nice pregnant lady" so far, but last weekend, I had a bit of a breakdown. It happened when Nick asked me about going to the Columbus Microbrew Festival. This is somewhere we've been before, and if you know me, you know that I love trying different beers and socializing. When he asked if I wanted to go, I realized that I really, really wanted to, but that it just wasn't going to happen for me. I'm getting to the point of my pregnancy where the thought of standing for long periods of time makes my back hurt and Baby Bean has taken up residence somewhere near my sciatic nerve, which is causing a bit of an ugly limp and a pain in my ass....literally.

So when we got home, I informed him that I was annoyed that his life hadn't changed much since I was pregnant and I was irrationally jealous. His answer was that he's been drinking less because I haven't been able to drink...which I found grossly unacceptable. The reality is that I'm the pregnant one and I have to make changes to my body and to my lifestyle to support the growth that's happening. Nick is doing wonderful in his role as "Most supportive husband ever" and sometimes, yes, that deserves a beer or two or four...and a sandwich made from unmicrowaved lunchmeat.

Travel

"My favorite thing is to go where I've never been."

A couple of weeks ago, Nick and I took some time to ourselves to travel to Arizona for some R&R before Baby Bean arrives. It was our last vacation as a party of two and we had a great time. We went to the pool, did a quick tour of Sedona and enjoyed some miniature golf. It was exactly what we both needed and it couldn't have come at a better time. The only difference between this and our previous vacations was that our typical pub-crawl night was replaced by a game of miniature golf at Castles and Coasters. Why am I mentioning this? Because I won. 

 

First stop: Lo-Lo's Chicken & Waffles (and Kool-Aid!)

A pregnant lady and an Indian in Sedona

Cactus flower with Sedona in the background

After lots of searching and some Internet research, we found Snoopy!

Victory was mine at Castles & Coasters

Live music is good for the soul

Even though this was during the week and we were both tired, we decided to go and it turns out, Nick was right (YES!!! I know!!!) and live music is good for your soul. Especially when that live music is from one of your favorite bands ever. It was my first sober concert experience, and I have to say...it was still fun. Crazy, right?

Dear Baby,

I don't know how I missed putting this photo up, but this is your big brother, Chino.

We'll always refer to Chino as our "first born", which isn't too far from the truth. Even though he's a dog, he's managed to teach us so much about what kind of parents that we hope to be. When we brought him home, we were expecting "rainbows and sunshine", but what we got was a crying, screaming puppy that had no idea what was going on. Once he settled in, that was a whole other story. We had a crazy lunatic puppy on our hands. He was housebroken, but felt that crate living was beneath him and also had predisposition for chewing on and eating random things. We eventually figured it all out though. He was patient with us and we tried our best to be patient with him and what started out as "what did we do?" ended up as "what did we do without him?" This is what I expect our transition into parenthood to a two-legger to be. We're in the planning stage right now, and before you know it, you'll be here. It may take us a little while, but we'll figure it out and before long, it will be like you were here the whole time.

A few things that your "big brother" has taught us:

1. Its always important to take turns
2. It will all be ok. Adaptation is key.
3. Unconditional love is the best kind (he doubles as momma's on-staff psychiatrist)
4. Its ok to fake it 'till you make it
5. Don't ever underestimate learned vocabulary
6. Just when you think your house is childproofed, you'll probably find something (he found a rum cake, a ball of yarn, knitting needles, a digital camera, an ink pad, pens, carpet, the wall and lots of paper)
7. Ice cream cones fix almost anything
8. Bribery is ok...sometimes
9. Always follow signs that tell you to "keep your dog on a leash" (this will apply less to you, obviously)
10. Family time is mandatory
11. A good walk is fuel for the soul
12. Bunnies are evil and must be chased out of the yard, at all costs
13. When its time to play, its time to play. Everything else can, and should wait.
14. Breakfast and dinner must be served promptly at all times
15. A good routine keeps the household running smoothly
16. Family members don't necessarily have to be two-legged
17. Trust is earned

As we get ready to welcome you to our crazy life, its important to us to make Chino feel loved and included. To neglect him after so many years of happiness and love would just be unfair. He's been a part of the whole preparation process, so far. As we were getting your nursery ready, he was there to watch and observe. Actually, because of the curtain debacle, he was also able to overcome his fear of the power drill and tape measure. He came to our first baby shower in Pittsburgh and was on his best behavior. He enjoyed the cake and helped momma open some presents. 

Everyone who knows us, knows how important he is to us and is always asking how he'll do when you get here. My answer has always been "He'll be fine...he has no choice." We're going to proceed cautiously, but if you get a lick in your face when you come home, that's just your big brother saying hello and seeing what you've been up to. We're pretty sure that he already knows you're there, based on how protective of me he's been lately. You've probably been hearing his voice during these last few months. He runs a tight ship in the backyard and if he's not walked every night, he usually barks his head off around 9pm every night, while we're relaxing and watching TV. Hopefully, you're used to this sound because we have no idea how to make him quit. So far, I haven't felt you startle when you hear him, so maybe that's a good sign.

Here's hoping for a baby who sleeps through crazy barking fits!

Love,

Momma