Since the distance from our house to Nick's parents' house is a little more manageable, we tend to do a few more last-minute visits, but still try to stick to a schedule. So basically, we have two weekends a month devoted to families...give or take a few days. Sometimes its hard to satisfy both families as we struggle to maintain balance and give each of us equal time with those that we love and miss so very much.
Its funny because when I was living in Pittsburgh, I couldn't wait to get out of there. When I was going to school at Ohio State and home for weekend visits or for summers, I couldn't wait to get back to Columbus. Its only now that Nick and I have bought a house, that the move seems very permanent. I've been growing increasingly homesick lately as I hear about last minute cook-outs and dinners out and celebrations for this birthday or that event. I've missed birthday parties, bridal showers and baby showers. My family is very understanding since they know that its not as simple as coming to the party, its a 200 mile drive and often a weekend commitment. Its still been a hard pill to swallow to know that a lot of my cousins and 2nd cousins don't really know me because they haven't had a chance to. Between gas prices and busy schedules, trips to Pittsburgh have been few and far between and when we are there, its often to spend time with my parents, who I know miss me terribly and would be very very excited if and when we decide to move (back) to the 'burgh.
The question has been raised lately as to what constitutes a "visit". If you asked my parents, a visit is anytime that they get to see us and spend time with us in person versus over email or telephone. They would count visits as last-minute dinners and trips to our house or theirs, just because. Visits for large family events would count also because big events are just as important as the small ones. If they were close enough to pop over or to meet me at the mall or to help us out with some occasional landscaping or home improvement project, they would. They wouldn't just "show up", but they would definitely be a part of our lives, more so than weekend visits.
This weekend, Nick and I were in Pittsburgh to visit my family and also to attend my cousin's wedding. The wedding was lots of fun and it was really nice to see and visit with some cousins and family members that I hadn't seen in over a year. When I realized that it had been a year since I had seen some aunts, uncles and cousins - I was taken aback. How could it be a year!? Then I saw my 2nd cousin walking, I mean RUNNING, around - and the last time I had seen her, she was a tiny baby. Now that I think of it, I'm not sure that I had ever seen her in person before, or if it was all pictures and catching up on stories from my parents. It was very sad for me to realize that Nick's cousins and family know me better than my own. For some of his little cousins, they don't remember me ever NOT being around, yet my own cousins have no idea who I am.
I know that this is the nature of the beast - especially when living farther than I'd like to live from my family. Growing up, the age difference between my sister and I and our cousins, made it so that it didn't matter too much whether we saw each other or not. Now that age is less of an issue, I'm realizing that there is so much more to my extended family than I realized and that I would very much like to be a part of their lives. When the time comes to make a decision, it will be proverbial rock and a hard place as we choose between family and friends and friends who have become family. I'm grateful to my family for understanding and respecting our choice to live here and for making the most of our visits with them. I know that they would give anything for those "trivial visits" but love and look forward to our weekend extravaganzas that count. Sometimes though, you can't beat just hanging out on a Sunday afternoon, grilling out and then heading home. Too bad that it just takes awhile for us to get home from home these days.
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