Being a mom

Every day, I learn a little bit more about what it means to be a mom to my two legger and to my four legger. Some days, the lessons are more intense than others. Last night, Baby B put us through the wringer. I'm still not all the way sure what happened, but the more I learn, the more I realize that I probably won't know and that's all part of being his mom. 

Last night, being a mom...

...meant that I was a detective, trying to figure out why my son went from happy and giggling, to sleeping soundly, to screaming hysterically...ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

...meant that my sleep was in a chair and on the couch, since Baby B fell asleep first on me and then in his swing (there was no way I was risking a move to his crib). 

...meant that my heart melted when Chino got up with us to see what all of the fuss was about, even though the crappy weather and new routine were cutting into his walk and playtime.

...meant that the smiles we saw this morning made it all ok.

...meant that I went to work without any sleep and will do it all again if I need to.

Goody® QuikStyle™ Paddle Brush

When I heard about Influenster, which promised to "turn my social influence into rewards", I was intrigued. If you know me, you know that I love free stuff and I love trying new things. If I like what I try, I tend to talk about it and encourage you to sign up as well (let me know if you want an invite, its pretty fun). When I received my first VoxBox, I was thrilled. Among the  

items in the box was the Goody® QuikStyle™ Paddle Brush.

As a new mom, I need any and all products that will save me time while also helping me look presentable and professional. This brush promises to do just that, buy helping to cut down on the time it takes to blow dry my hair. According to Goody's website:

The GOODY® QUIKSTYLE™ Paddle brush works like a towel and brush in one. The super absorbent (and antimicrobial) microfiber removes 30% of water from wet hair to help speed your drying time! You can effortlessly detangle right out of the shower and continue using it while you blow dry!

I'll admit, when I heard "towel and brush in one", I was very skeptical. It could be because of the ridiculous amount of television that I had been watching during my maternity leave. I had seen so many products that promised to do everything from cushion your hiney to remove skin tags to suck out ear wax. I'd like it to be noted that I didn't purchase ANY of them, during my endless nights and days in the house. Since I received this brush for free, I figured that I had nothing to loose and gave it a shot.

Here is the quick and dirty:

• It works like a brush - duh. The brush is lightweight, but a little bulky. The bristles are soft and go through wet, damp and dry hair without any problem. I always comb my hair first before I use it, so I'm not sure how it will work if you're fresh out of the shower or bath. I noticed that the towel bristles get a little discombobulated, the longer that I use it, but so far they don't smell bad and don't get stuck in my hair. I haven't timed how long it takes to dry my hair with this brush versus my normal one - because I'm a new mom, remember? But I have to say that my hair looks smooth and healthy after using this. I think that the vented nature of the paddle helps - there's a vent in the back that helps heat the bristles and circulate air while I'm drying
• Do I like it? - Yes. Would I have ever purchased this on my own? Probably not. Can you borrow mine? Sorry, no.
• Would I suggest it to other people to buy? Probably - so long as that person had relatively straight hair already, and didn't require any extra styling steps. This flat brush, when used properly, can replace the extra step of flat-ironing my hair, which is a much appreciated time-saving perk.
• Price:  $10.39 on Amazon
• More information:
• Goody's website
• Goody on Facebook
• Goody on Twitter

Based on this first VoxBox, I can't wait to see what else Influenster has in store for me! Bring on the time-saving products! 

12 weeks

Dear Baby B,

I can hardly believe that it has been 12 weeks since you entered this world and about a year since you've entered our lives. This time last year, your daddy and I were talking about trying to have a baby and laughing as we pictured ourselves as parents (still not grown ups). The idea of it was especially surreal to me because I always knew that I would be a mother, but I could never picture myself as pregnant. Weird, I know.

While I was pregnant, I took good care of you, but I don't think I would have called myself a mom...yet. I was still working and socializing, while anxiously making plans for your arrival. Your daddy and I planned your nursery, signed up for classes, exercised, bought a sassy mommy car, found your babysitter and pediatrician. We made so many plans, based on what we assumed that parenthood would or should be.

One of our assumptions was that after 12 weeks at home with you, I would load you into my sassy mommy car, drive you to the sitter's house and then head to work, picking up right where I left off. I was 100% on board with this plan for quite awhile. I'll even admit to sitting on the kitchen floor, crying and begging your daddy to stay home with you while I headed into the office. It wasn't my proudest moment and I know now that it wasn't really me talking, it was those hormones. They're seriously no joke and it was only after I was on the other side of my postpartum depression that I realized how serious they were and what a patient and kind daddy that you have.

I've said this before, but I didn't expect to like you this much! I've loved you since before you we're born, but I didn't know how much fun I would have being your mom. You smile while I sing to you, you've mastered nursing and have the rolls to prove it, and I swear you want to start walking tomorrow. You are so patient as we learn how to take care of you, that its almost impossible for me to bear the thought of you spending your days with anyone else. I know your cries and I know how to comfort you. This week, you came down with your first cold and seemed to sleep best in my arms. Knowing that I've been able to help you rest while your body fights this nasty bug means the world to me...so much so that I'm willing to overlook the daily shower of baby barf that has accompanied this cold.

When you arrived, 12 weeks seemed like forever. It seemed like enough time for you to grow a little bigger and for me to heal. It seemed like enough time to for us to figure one another out. Now that my Return to Work day is looming, I realize that 12 weeks isn't any time at all. Actually, this fact dawned on me a few weeks ago, along with the onset of working mommy guilt when I began to question my decision to return to work full time. I began to realize that you'd be spending your days with someone else. I pictured her playing with you, singing you songs and comforting you while you were fussy, and frankly it makes my stomach hurt. However, the thought of walking away from a job and company that I believe in and worked hard to become a part of, also leaves me uneasy...and round and round I go.

This morning, we dropped you off at your new sitter's house. We really like her and you seemed to as well. I wasn't sure how I would feel, but it was as hard as I expected. I cried as I passed you over to her and again as your daddy and I walked out the door. I never want to feel that feeling again, but I know that I will tomorrow. I also know that to be the best mommy for you, I need to give this working mommy gig a shot. If it doesn't work out - we'll go back to our regularly scheduled program of horrible daytime TV and elastic pants.

Love,
Momma

Julep Maven - January Box

I've never done a formal product or service review here before, but now is as good a time as any to start. I figured I'd start with one of my favorite things, Julep.

Signing up to be a Julep Maven means that you get to receive a little piece of sunshine in the form of nail polish and products, delivered to your door, every month. When you enroll, you take a fun little quiz to determine your Maven Style Profile. Based on your answers, they assign your style profile, which determines the colors and products that you'll receive. According to Julep, my style is "Classic With a Twist."

This timeless, iconic look is marked by beautiful yet simple cuts and colors. You accent your neutral palette with carefully chosen textures, patterns and splashes of color. Whatever the trends, you're uninfluenced by short-lived fads and always remain confidently in style.

The best part about being a Julep Maven is that you aren't confined to one style. Each month, you get a preview of each of the boxes and you can make a switch, depending on your mood. This month, I switched to the American Beauty style profile to receive some colors that I had been eyeing.

When my box arrived, it didn't disappoint. Julep packages their products like little presents, which adds to the fun and anticipation of receiving my monthly shipment.

In this month's box, I received a fun orange nail polish, a subtle nude pink and a hand and cuticle stick. Julep adds a touch of fun (as if I needed more fun) to the boxes as well! In addition to my products, I found some ponytail holders, swatch stickers and a little quote that related to the January theme of "Escape and Unwind".

Some of the other products that I've received in addition to my polish: a make-up case, nail polish remover, quick dry serum, mascara, sunscreen, moisturizer, foot scrub, pumice, jewelry and sweet treats! I highly recommend Julep as a fun and inexpensive way to stay on trend with the latest in nail color while getting a bit of fun and color, delivered to your door!

Here are the details:
Monthly fee: $19.99 (for at least two bottles of nail polish and a product)
Sign up:  http://www.julep.com/rewardsref/index/refer/id/20591/
Try it cheap! Use Promo code: COLOR2012 to receive your first box for a penny

Side note: My monthly Julep shipments have been the incentive that I needed to finally kick my nail biting habit for good. Just knowing that I'll have a fun new polish to try or to layer on one of my other colors is the incentive I need to keep my fingers looking pretty.

What are some other monthly product subscription "boxes"? I'd love to discover other products for myself or for Baby B.

Unexpected

As I type this post on my new iPad (yay!), my son is asleep on my shoulder and I'm taking a moment to reflect on the last 10 weeks or so. The feelings that I have for him have evolved into something that I was never expecting. What started as disbelief and evolved into a tad bit of resentment (I'll admit it) has turned into that rainbow and sunshine feeling that I had been waiting and wishing for. We still have fussy days and I still get puked on, but I'm ok with that now. I've become the mom who can tell you what his crys mean and who can nurse in public without a nip slip (I fist bumped myself for that one). I've become a mom who can feed, dress (him and me), pack and be out the door in 1/2 hour. I've become a mom without even realizing it. Everything just seemed to click. Maybe it was because I didn't have a ton of help after the first two weeks. Maybe my hormones leveled out. Or maybe I just accepted that this was the new normal.

Five weeks ago, I remember telling Nick...begging Nick to stay home and let me go back to work instead. There were tears and irrational conversations. Through it all, he supported me and had faith that I would find my groove as a momma. He would encourage the smallest victories and interactions, hoping that I would latch on and build on it to find my confidence and new self. Through it all, I kept changing diapers and wiping spit up, hoping that I would start to get it. I had no idea what "it" was or when I'd know if I had it. I'm still not sure if I know when I got it, but I know that I did and it feels really really great.

What is "it" you might ask? It turned out to be funny faces during playtime, dancing in the kitchen, making up songs and being the one that he needed for comfort. It became outings to the mall and a television turned to the "off" position. It was walks in the sunshine and and fewer tears. It was Nick asking me questions and me answering confidently and passionately. It was mastering the Moby Wrap. Most of all, it was new feelings of purpose and the creeping feeling of working mommy guilt. Before, I was counting down and so ready to go back to work and now I find myself dreading it. This feeling is so unexpected that it caught me off guard. Suddenly, Motherhood doesn't feel like an obligation or a business transaction,. It feels like a reason to make sacrifices and hard choices. It also feels like a reason to play with toys and dance in the kitchen and its something that I definitely want to experience to the fullest.

Six Weeks

When Baby B turned 6 weeks old, I realized how important it was for me that I took the full twelve weeks off for my maternity leave. The first 5 or so weeks were spent healing, learning, crying and questioning. At six weeks, it was like a switch turned on and all of the sudden there was more laughing, smiling, dancing and sleeping. Had I not been waiting for that kind of moment, I may have missed it.

The first weeks of Baby B's life were hard for me. I was hormonal. I know that I had a case of the baby blues. They weren't severe, but at times I was struggling with loving him so much but not liking him and then feeling the overwhelming guilt of the combination of those feelings. I knew that having him was one of the greatest things that we'll ever do, but during those times, I questioned my feelings and wondered when it would get better. I'm so thankful that I have friends who told me the real story about being a mom. They told me that it would be wonderful, rewarding and fantastic - but they also told me that it would be hard. Really hard. I am lucky enough to have friends that prepared me for how it would feel to go cold turkey from the pregnancy hormones. Knowing that my feelings of being not normal were actually normal helped so much.

When the calendar turned to 6 weeks though, something fantastic happened. Baby Bean started to eat and sleep at regular intervals, making him somewhat predictable for the time being. He started to smile, on purpose. Seeing that face respond to us was something that I had been waiting for and it was just as awesome as we thought it would be. He also began to play with us, kicking and watching his little toys, stretching his growing body on his play mat. I also began to gain some mommy confidence. I found myself identifying his cries, knowing the difference between the hungry cry, the annoyed cry, the dirty diaper cry and the tired cry. I knew what tired eyes looked like and what to do when he was refusing to sleep. I was starting to really get to know him, which is a big difference  from just taking care of him.

For me at least, six weeks marked a time that my body had healed and that my mind was beginning to clear. Instead of thinking of what I couldn't do, now that I was a mom, I began to think of what I could do. Bean and I started venturing out more together, by ourselves. I stopped flipping out at Nick when he wasn't ready to leave at the exact moment that Bean was done nursing. I stopped fearing the idea of publicly breastfeeding and was able to take care of him at restaurants, malls and stores without slipping a nip. We had a lunch date and many outings to the mall. I also mastered the Moby wrap and I was even able to take Bean and Chino to PA to visit my parents - by myself.

For me, 6 weeks seems to have marked the beginning of the fun part. The tears, poop and spit up will still happen, but the smiles, laughter and cooing will balance it all out.

Posts

Since I've become a mom, I've had visions of blogging every day to capture the moments and thoughts that have become my (our) new normal, since the arrival of Baby Bean. Most of my eurekas come in the middle of the night while I'm nursing. When I have my phone with me, I add the possible title of the post as a note, when I don't have it with me - I hope that I'll remember it the next morning (I rarely do). Instead of dedicating entire posts to each of my ideas, I'm going to dedicate a post to a couple of the posts and hope that I do better with blogging.

• Sleep Deprived Dairy Farm
• This title is pretty self explanatory. At the beginning, I was having a lot of trouble with breast feeding. Thankfully, the trouble wasn't with my milk supply (Baby Bean has rolls galore), the problem was with the technique, which caused a lot of pain for me while Baby Bean feasted every 1 1/2 hours. 
• This title also may have been thought up during our first induction into "Cluster Feeding" - which is something that THEY don't tell you about. Once I knew, I was a much less bitter person about the irrational, screaming baby who wanted to eat every hour...at least.
• Smiles
• I'm a self-proclaimed non-baby person. My baby is one of few exceptions that I've made to my rule that an infant must be able to hold its own head up before I'll hold it. I prefer babies who interact and who don't look like baby birds. Thankfully, my baby has been working hard at holding his head up since day #1. Its like he knows. Anyway - I had been searching for the light at the end of the infant tunnel, and that light came in the form of a smile. Not a milk drunk smile, or a sleepy smile, or a gassy smile - a legit toothless grin - all the way to the eyes. That moment made me really excited about all of the other moments to come and made the not-so-great moments fade a little from my memory.  

I have a few other potential posts, which seemed like brilliant blog ideas at the time. Some I remember what I was thinking and some I don't, which is probably for the better. I'm going to do my best to try to capture both the good, the bad, and the blow outs. The bad and the blow outs make the good so much better, and those moments tend to be hilarious (usually after the fact). Speaking of blow outs - here's a little gem that we'll be sure to add to Baby B's wedding slide show.