Blogging me

For some reason, when people ask if I have a blog, I say "yes," but with a hushed voice. I'm not quite sure why that is - maybe it is because I'm afraid of putting myself ALL the way out there or I'm afraid of criticism or maybe I'm worried that people will think it sucks? I was thinking about that today - and thinking about the reason that I started a blog in the first place, which was to learn! I wanted to learn how to write more than just emails and status updates (two jobs ago) and learn about how good content drives quality traffic (last job through present). I also wanted to have a place to document what I'm doing and feeling and wondering about because these days, I have a thought and then *pouf* it is gone...never to return again.

At the beginning, this blog was about travel, marriage and a mutt. Now it is about so much more. I still love to travel, I'm still married with a mutt (thank God), but now I have a few more things happening in my life, a real career + a full-time job and kids. Plural. Trying to balance (I hate that word) all of those things into a successful life is something that is harder than I could have ever imagined.

As the overachiever that I am, I have a tendency to beat myself up on a daily basis wondering if I'm sucking at motherhood or failing at work. My rational brain knows that the answer is no, but my emotions don't always listen to my brain.

So here I am. Six months after my last post. Back again, trying to reconcile the new me, who is a bunch of things that I can't always keep track of; wife, mom, professional, woman, daughter, friend, boss, colleague, sister and more. Keeping track of all of that will assure that there will be no shortage of content or stories. And, honestly - writing down my thoughts tends to help me organize them and gives my husband an understanding of what is happening in my head.

Next steps

Four and a half years ago, when I walked through the door of Thirty-One, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had been drifting from job to job for the past 8 years, hoping for a career. Unfortunately, the economy was such that I didn't have a lot of choice when it came to the companies that would take me. I was at their mercy and I was literally begging for opportunities. So, my first job out of college was in a glorified call-center for an auto glass company. I lasted a year. Thankfully, because I had two, very specific key words on my resume, I was offered a job at an auto glass distributor. I jumped at the opportunity and learned the world of shipping, logistics and inventory management. As exciting and interesting as it was, it wasn't my passion and it wasn't what I wanted to do. Thankfully, the team that I worked for knew where my heart was and really supported me as I went to school and earned my Master's Degree in Marketing & Communications. At the time, I thought that it would be the magic piece of paper that would let me into the marketing world. Instead, I found myself with "too much education and not enough experience."

After a lot of resumes, cover letters and searching, a small marketing agency in Westerville, OH took a chance on me. Desperate, I agreed to a substantial pay-cut and took an entry-level position, on a financial client (non-sexy marketing), dead set on learning about marketing and promotions. After proving myself, I was then moved onto a CPG brand, doing similar work but in a different industry. It was the early 2000's and I had a flip phone. Facebook was a thing, but it wasn't the biggest thing. Then, Twitter came onto the scene and a friend and I decided to sign up, just to see what it was all about. It turns out that signing up for Twitter was the first block of many that would begin to build my career. I didn't know it at the time, but signing up for that account was one of those pivotal moments that you look back on with relief and gratitude.

Also happening at this time, brands were beginning to cautiously embrace social media as a way to connect with their consumers. I happened to be in the right place at the right time when the CPG brand that I worked on was willing to test the waters, so suddenly I was the voice of their brand on Facebook and Twitter. Content marketing wasn't a thing. Brands didn't have a social media strategy. I came up with posts on the fly. Engagement was free. Videos and graphics weren't necessary. We just talked to people and braced ourselves for the good, the bad and the crazy. BUT - because I had chosen to embrace the newest platform...Twitter, I was given the chance to be a part of those early conversations. I absolutely LOVED it. I have a vivid memory of coming home one day and telling Nick about what I had done during the day...explaining how Hootsuite worked and how I used it to manage multiple social media accounts. He looked straight at me and said, "Honey, I think you found your passion."

After a year or so of that and around four years at the agency, I wanted a change. I wanted to see what it was like on the brand side of the business. Once again, I began a job search that took FOREVER. I applied at many places, interviewed at a few and at the end, I had two offers; one from Thirty-One Gifts and one from the previous financial client. At that point, I knew three things: 1. I wanted out of the agency life, 2. I had limited options and 3. I was ready for an adventure. So, I signed my acceptance letter and started my very brief career as the world's worst Project Manager at a company that I had never heard of in an industry that I knew nothing about. I know now that I was on a really defined path that was completely and totally out of my control.

When I walked through those doors, almost five years ago, I walked in as a drifter...with some experience, two degrees and no real career. I began working on the Project Management team, realizing quickly that it wasn't the best fit for me. I'm someone who wants to roll up their sleeves and get things done, so being in the role of "overseer" and "reporter" wasn't the best fit for me. I gave myself a year to either make a move within the company or make a move out the door. Nine months later, I was given the opportunity to take on Thirty-One's social media presence, and of course I jumped. I was the only candidate that they considered and it was all because I had managed a large community of fans in my past position....something I was invited to do because I knew how "to Twitter."

During my time here, social media has progressed at lightening speed. Things in the space continue to evolve and change. Experts come and go and networks pop up and disappear. I've been lucky to have gotten in at the ground floor of a movement and trend that doesn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. I started out posting things on the fly and slowly watched as the organization changed and we received more support from talented writers, designers and photographers. I watched as reach increased, peaked and declined as Facebook and other networks became pay to play. This job and company gave me a platform to educate others on the proper use of social media, opportunities that I will be forever grateful for.

Now, almost five years later, it is time for me to make another move. This time though, thanks to those experiences and challenges, I am in the driver's seat. I've become an accidental expert in the field. A marketing professional that specializes in social media. It happened so gradual, and became second nature to me, so I almost didn't realize that it happened at all. I can't begin to articulate though how appreciative I am of my newfound direction, passion and purpose. Looking back, I've seen so many "God winks," that have and continue to pave my path to my next step. I wish I could sum everything up in one word or blog post, but there aren't enough words to describe the things that I've learned or the people that I've met. I can tell you that I'm walking out the door a different person than I was when I walked in.

It would be impossible to list everything that this job has given me. I've made amazing friends, unbelievable professional connections and have had opportunities that I never even imagined. (I've also added a lot of new t-shirts and Tervis tumblers to my collection too!) I have had the chance to volunteer and give back. I've seen faith in action. I have been embraced by a community that I didn't even know existed. Have there been challenges? Of course. But without the challenges that I've worked through, I wouldn't be ready to jump head first into yet another new chapter of my life.

So to everyone that I've worked for or with at Thirty-One, past or present. Thank you. I couldn't take this next step in my career path without the kindness and patience that you have given to me. Thank you for supporting me when I stumbled, for celebrating with me when I succeeded and for all of your kind words and encouragement as I leave today tot make this next step.  I can honestly say that I couldn't have done it without you.

Nursing necessities!

I'm month four into my second term as a nursing mother. I'm proud to say that I did it for twelve full months with my first son and hope for a repeat performance with number two. Nursing for any number of months is a huge accomplishment, but I'm especially proud that I did it, and am doing it again as a full-time working momma. So, as I'm sitting here in my company's "Mother's Room" pumping away, I thought it very fitting to put together a little list of my nursing must-haves. Some of these things I figured out myself and others were from some of my mentor moms, working hard and doing what I do. So, here you go.

1. A great breast pump. I've always used Medela. First, the Freestyle and now the Pump in Style Advanced. Having a good breast pump is crucial to maintaining your supply when you're away from your baby for 8+ hours per day. Another plus - is that I was able to grab mine for free through insurance.
2. The Easy Expression Bustier from Medela. Just trust me, be hands-free if you can. Especially at work. 
3. Breast milk storage bags. When all of your pumping pays off, you'll need somewhere to store that liquid gold. I love Lanisoh - the bags are large and durable, giving you room for pouring without the risk of overflow.
4. Freezer milk storage. Last time, I kept frozen milk in the freezer, on the door. This time, I found a solution from Milkies, which is a compact way to organize and store frozen breast milk.
5. Fenugreek. Something that I ended up figuring out on my own, with help from Google, that my milk supply would drop a bit, leading up to the start of my monthly cycle. Before I knew what was happening, it made me panic. Once I realized it, I started to load up on Fenugreek, to maintain things until it passed.
6. Mother's Milk Tea to promote lactation. This is something that I just started drinking this time around. If I feel like my supply is lower, I have a couple of cups of this tea during the day and it seems to do the trick.
7. Coverd Goods nursing cover. Again - there are many different types of covers, I have three that I really like and tend to rotate though. Each one is great, but so far, my favorite has been my Covered Goods nursing cover. It literally wraps around me so that my belly and back aren't sticking out. This design also reduces the risk of flashing, if baby wants to have a party under there.

I hope that this list is helpful for you or for a mom-to-be. Even though this isn't my first rodeo, I'm still learning and finding things to make this part of the journey easier for me and for my tiny human.

"Its a 6, daddy"

Last night, I got home a little later than usual because I had some after work errands to run. When I pulled into the driveway, I saw that Daddy and B had been pretty busy. There were lots of chalk doodles on the driveway (my favorite) and the safety cones that I *ahem* acquired during college were out. I came in, unloaded and we went about our business...until Nick told me that our little 3 year old drew his first number.

Voila! The number 6! 

See that squiggle next to the number 3? Apparently B told his daddy that it wasn't "a circle, it was a 6!" And he was right! He also drew a nice and long #1, next to his 6. I was so proud of him, even though I was slightly bummed that I missed it. Its hard for me to wrap my brain around how busy B's little brain must be, but it is so, so cool to watch him start to connect the dots, right before my eyes.

My tiny human...being human

Dear B.,

You are almost three years old. Time really does fly when you're having fun, or when you're raising YOU. You are the spunkiest, smartest, craziest nut bag of a son. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but whatever it is, I'm grateful for it every single day.

As we approach the big 3, I'm seeing more and more of your HUMAN personality come out. You are so kind and thoughtful and analytical. Even when you are running laps around the backyard or screaming through the house. You like to have things put in categories, often saying things like, "mommy, you're a girl right?" or "daddy is taller than you, right?" You know a lot of things, but still look to us as the experts in whatever subject you are thinking about at the moment.

One of the biggest changes that I'm seeing in you is your ability to reason. Time-outs are starting to work and you are realizing that we really will, in fact, make you sit in a chair or that we'll take away your toy. You know that there are consequences to your actions and you are starting to make decisions accordingly. This new level of reason is adding an infinite amount of fun to our lives (and admittedly, frustration).

Last Saturday, you and I had a special date. We went to the Worthington Farmer's market to buy coffee and then to Kroger to get a few things for breakfast. You were an absolute angel. So, when Sunday morning rolled around and you asked to go to the grocery store with me, do do our regular shopping, I said yes. I'll admit it, I was so nervous. What if you went nuts? What if I was the crazy lady, pushing a cart, chasing you around the store? But then I thought, what if it went well? And decided to take the plunge.

Thanks to a really busy year, and being pregnant, I hadn't done a lot of things with just you and I. You were prone to taking off at full speed, or having a sporadic tantrum and my pregnant body didn't always handle that well. So, our outings by ourselves, just you and I, were very few and far between. Maybe that is what made me nervous, I was out of practice for long outings in a possibly "risky" situation. But, I have to say - I'm so glad that I decided to take you with me. You listened, you were quiet and you "helped" me put things in the cart. We had no meltdowns and talked a lot about ingredients and the store and the giant, metal horse that you like to visit while we're there. It was actually really fun. And really, momma is back - so if you needed to be wrestled, chased or man handled into the cart, I'm 100% back to my pre-baby self.

I hope that our grocery dates are a regular thing. It is so great to have you all to myself and to chat about what is going on in your busy little brain. I love getting to reward you for good behavior with your Kroger balloon and really am proud when you walk up and ask for it yourself, thanking the lady without me asking you to. You are still my sweet baby, but more and more, I'm seeing glimpses of the boy and man that you are going to become and I'm so very proud of you. I'm not going to lie though, I'm pretty proud of daddy and I too. We're doing this our way and doing a really awesome job. Even when sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

Love,
Momma

Advice to myself

*Quote created using Rhonna Designs* 

If I knew then...

I'm lucky enough to be at that age, where my friends keep having babies! Some of my friends are on to kid #2 or kid #3, but a few are waiting on their number one. As a pretty new mom, I'm doing my best to keep my mouth shut and to only weigh in when asked. If you know me in person, you know that this is no less than a monumental task. When the urge to insert myself strikes, I take a step back and remember how much fun it was to figure things out. So whether my friend asks, or we decide to have a number two, I wanted to make sure that I captured just a few things that I wish I would have known when my B was still a bun in the oven, cooking away.

1. Ask your momma friends and really listen. I know that I asked, but I didn't retain or realize how much they could have helped provide support, insight and guidance.
2. Selectively read the Internet. Find what works for you and what speaks to you and do that (within reason, of course). Sometimes it provides the validation that you aren't a crazy person, which is much needed when you are a new mom.
3. Think about phases. When you register, think about what you need now, what you'll need then, and what you'll need later. Prioritizing into those buckets will help make sure that your registry isn't' filled with burp cloths and receiving blankets.
4. Get done what you can get done and cut yourself a break. Do what you can do while you feel good and before you feel huge. So what if your nursery is done before you're even 6 months along? When your ankles are swollen, you'll thank yourself.
5. Download the apps. There are so many that give you lots of tips and information about your body, your baby and your pregnancy. They were a wealth of knowledge and let you digest everything in easy to read nuggets. My favorites: BabyCenter, Pampers Hello Baby, What To Expect Baby, What to Expect Pregnancy, iBreastffeed (from Medela). I loved seeing what he looked like each week and learning about how his little brain and body were developing. The BabyCenter community was great for reading about crazy pregnancy symptoms and feelings.
6. Explore an herbal and holistic approach. This was something that never dawned on me until close to the end of my pregnancy. I happened to walk into Petali teas, a small tea shop in Granville, OH, looking for something delicious and decaf. The tea that was recommended was a French Lemon Cream flavor. The owner informed me that this particular tea has been used by women in South Africa to help prevent colic in babies. When I found that out, I started drinking it daily. B never had colic and I don't know if it can be attributed to the tea, but I can say that someday when I have Baby #2, that tea will be a part of my daily routine. Buy your own here, direct from Petali Teas (they ship direct to you)!!!
7. Keep an open mind. Remember that you can plan everything, down to the delivery and hospital, but that your body and baby are the boss of the moment. Be prepared and brace yourself so that if you are thrown a curve ball, you can adapt.
8. Be in awe. Take a few minutes to think about what is happening to you and realize the gravity of the miracle that you are carrying in your belly. Before, during and shortly after my pregnancy, I took a lot of things for granted. I took for granted the ease in which I was able to become pregnant. I took for granted the lack of "pregnancy symptoms" - meaning - I had a really EASY pregnancy. I took for granted a very easy delivery - so easy that I literally said, as I was being cleaned up that, "it wasn't that bad, I could do that again!" I took for granted my very healthy, happy awesome, baby boy. Not everyone gets to experience the miracle that I got to experience. Not everyone has such an "easy" journey to motherhood.

My first SO WHAT Wednesday!

I discovered a new blog, "Life After I Dew," thanks to my hair stylist Holly. Once I started reading, I was hooked. She's a mom, she isn't perfect and she shares REAL ideas (not just Pinterest beauty shots). One of her weekly posts is SO WHAT Wednesdays! So here is my very first go at it! 

This week, I'm saying SO WHAT if…

• I haven't done much laundry since Christmas. If I don't want to wear the clothes that are left in my drawers, it may be time to do a purge.
• I can't get my lazy butt out of bed to exercise in the morning. As long as I do it at some point in the day, that is winning and I'm going to stop beating myself up about it.
• I've continued to eat chocolate and sweets every day. If I give it up completely, it will just be a recipe for disaster.
• I'm walking more than I'm running these days. As long as I'm moving and the sweat is flowing, that's all that really matters.
• My days aren't perfect…I'm finding that the most perfect days rarely are.

What are you saying SO WHAT to this week?

A very important anniversary

It's official. I've been a working mom for one full year. I'm not normally one for documenting dates, but I remember this date without fail. I remember the emotions that I felt and the sadness that overcame me when I handed B over to his babysitter on that very first day. I'm so very glad for this blog because it is a place for me to remember and reflect on where I was and where I'm going.

I'll spare you the details about what it was like for me to return to work. I will say that if you are a working mommy that is heading back to or has headed back to work, whatever you are feeling is normal. If you are sad, that's ok. If you are excited, that's ok too. If you are depressed and feeling guilty, that's also ok. All of the emotions are normal. Whatever you are doing and thinking is right. Don't let someone else tell you how you should feel or react to an extremely emotional and difficult time. I will tell you that adjusting to your new normal takes a lot of time. Reflecting on the past year, I've realized that even when I thought I was doing a lot of things wrong, I was doing a lot more things right.

One of those Mommy Moments

Dear B.,

I just had one of those moments with you that I hope I never forget. I'm sitting here typing this with tears running down my face because my heart is so full. And just so you know, there isn't much that can make me cry besides you and your brother, Chino.

Tonight was just a typical Monday night. We had a minor dinner disaster, which forced us to pull out some leftover meatloaf from the freezer. Daddy had a conference call for work, so he was eating in the dining room, which meant that you and I had evening playtime to ourselves. You chose to read some books and play in your rocking chair.

You had to sit first and then I handed you your book.

As the clock ticked closer to 7:00, I noticed the telltale signs of bedtime. You get extra snuggly and sit still for more than just a few seconds. Lately, you love to listen to "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Hickory Dickory Dock" play on my phone while curled up on my lap. When snuggles turned to whimpers, I asked if you were ready to brush your teeth.

You love to brush your teeth, so when I asked you, you squirmed off of my lap and RAN down the hall to the steps. When I opened the gate, you scrambled upstairs and marched into the bathroom, saying "teeth." We brushed and rinsed and then you ran down the hallway to your room for me to change your diaper, put you into your pajamas, read you a book and put you to bed.

Usually, I put you in your crib and you flip over to your belly and go right to sleep. Tonight was different though, and I'm not sure why. When I put you down, you immediately started to cry. Sometimes you cry a little while you get situated and comfortable, so I didn't come back to your room right away. Instead, I went to our bedroom to grab some laundry and then headed to the basement to throw it in the washing machine. When I came back upstairs, you were still crying, so I went to your room and picked you up. You stopped immediately.

We sat in the rocking chair and I sang you your favorite songs. We alternated between "You are my sunshine" and "1 little 2 little B's" singing some verses and humming others. You snuggled into my lap, leaned your head back, sucked your thumb and played with your blankets. When I had run through both songs several times, we just sat in silence while I rocked you. Your eyes were open but you were relaxed, still sucking your thumb and keeping a firm grip on your blankets. Finally, you took your thumb out of your mouth, looked up at me and put your hand on my face. We sat there for a few more quiet moments and then you leaned forward as if you were ready for bed. I stood up, said goodnight, put you down and off to dreamland you went.

Tonight, I took my own advice and lived in the moment with you. The dishes are still dirty, the laundry is piled up and there are toys all over the floor. I have work to do and emails to send, but tonight, you needed your mommy, so none of that mattered. Thank you for that moment that you gave me and for the pure joy you injected into my soul, it was as if you knew how much I needed it.

Love,
Momma

Bend your knees and balance

Since I went back to work in January, mommy guilt has been a constant. In an effort to try to achieve balance or maybe to justify my position as a working mom, I decided to read the book, Lean In, to gain another perspective on my new situation.

The my kind-of new but not that new anymore reality is that I'm now a full time wife, mom, and employee. That is 300% of one person, which is a lot. The basis of Lean In is that support is essential for any woman to achieve success in her life (personal + professional) and I'm lucky that I have that. I just tend to put a lot of the pressure on myself to be the best, know the most and to have it all together. When I feel one area slipping, I get a little panicky and scramble to get it together, which often leads to more panic. 

As I've acclimated to being a working mom, I've been lucky enough to have conversations with friends to find out that I'm not alone in these feelings. We all are feeling the pressure to be the best at everything, which means that something's gotta give, but we won't let it. We're all strong women, with professional goals who don't want to miss a second of their kids' lives. In a nutshell: We want to have our cake, eat it too and collect a full time salary while we're doing it. 

Honestly, I'm probably taking this too literally, but the idea of "leaning in" to my career, scares the crap out of me. I'm a classic Type A overachiever. I want to be the best at what I do, whatever that may be. Now that I'm a mom, this means that I have to be the best mom in the history of moms. I have to win at mommy-ing.

What I was hoping to read from the pages of "Lean In" was some fresh perspective on balance. Instead, what I read was about how you should Lean In to your career and rely on your partner for support as you continue your climb up the corporate ladder. Throughout the book, it seemed as if childrearing was more of a transaction than an experience. As long as one parent was home, that would be ok...that counted. Maybe for Sheryl Sandberg that was enough, but for me, the thought of leaning further into my job instead of into my new role as a mother is a scary thought.

Instead of "Leaning In", I'm taking a different approach. My approach is to bend my knees and balance. Some days, I have to lean in and some days I have to lean back, but if I keep my knees soft, I can be flexible to attack whatever may be in store.  

Did you read the book? Are you leaning in, leaning back or doing a little bit of both?

No Sew, DIY Crib Rail Cover

Do the sides of your baby's crib look like this? Mine do.

Baby B managed to gnaw his way around the entire inside perimeter of his gorgeous crib.The same crib that we painstakingly picked out so that it would LAST and be a piece of furniture that would grow with him from baby hood and beyond. Now that I look back on it, I can see that I was forgetting about the part where my baby figured out how to stand and was also teething at that exact same time, leading to a perfect storm of furniture destruction. All of those mornings, where B was quiet in his crib, "playing"? Yeah, this is what he was doing.

I'm not a huge DIY'er, so first, we headed off to the dreaded, Babies R Us to find a crib cover that would stop the insanity and save the wood. When we realized that they wouldn't fit, it was time for me to get creative, which turned out to be a lot cheaper and easier than exhaustively searching for crib rail covers. I'm so excited to share my first, official, DIY project as a mom! I wish I would have through of it before B left his mark on his bed, but better late than never, right? Here's what I did:

• Go to your favorite craft store and purchase 2-3 yards of fleece. I'm bad at measuring, so I always OVER estimate incase I goof. I went to Jo-Ann's and used a coupon, straight from my iPhone, so my fleece was 40% off! 
• Measure! Measure the length of your rails, the distance between the slats and the "wrapped" distance around the rails.
• Spread your fleece out on a flat, dog hair free surface. Cut rectangles in the appropriate dimensions. Length should be the length of your crib rails and the width should be enough to wrap around the crib rails, with a little room to spare, maybe 1-2". You can always trim back if you need to.

• Mark the fleece where the crib rails will be. For me, I just marked every 2" or so.
• Fold the rectangle in half and then cut on your marks, so that you have a fringe. Cut about 2-3" into the fleece. Don't cut too deep, you can always cut additional space while you're wrapping.
• Drape the cut fleece over the appropriate crib rails and start tying the fringes together. I started on each end and then worked my way to the middle. Make sure that you knot the tails on the side that the baby can't reach. Pull the fleece tight, so that there isn't any bunching or gathers on the side that your baby will see. Cut any loose "tails" off of the knots that face out. Repeat the process on the remaining crib rails and voila! You have a completely wrapped, and protected crib. Safe from beavers and babies.

This is my first DIY post, so my process pictures aren't the best. I didn't even think to take photos until I was almost done, but I'm hoping that you get the idea. I'm thrilled at how it turned out, and so is Nick. As usual, he had no clue about my final vision until he saw it come to life. We are week one into our newly protected crib and it is working beautifully.

This is my first DIY post, so if I'm missing any details or if you need clarification, let me know in the comments. Are there any other preventative measures that I need to take, now that B is a full blown toddler?

Clarity

I know that I've been slacking on the blog front. I keep meaning to write a post and then I get distracted by a baby, a husband, a mutt, a TV show or a shiny object. Right now though, the baby is sleeping, the husband is at work, the mutt is napping and Drug Wars is on TV (its a repeat), so I can focus.

I also realize that I am two posts behind. Baby B is now 7 months old. YES. SEVEN. That means that he's been out for almost as long as he was in. For some reason, that thought blows my mind. I'll fill you in on his latest tricks in another post. Right now, this one's about me.

I'm one of those "everything is fine" people and it usually is. Lately though, I've been faking. A lot. Nick knows that I haven't been honest, but not many other people do. I've been struggling with mommy guilt and it has been consuming my thoughts. I've always been the type of person who had to have her cake and eat it too. I want to be everywhere and do everything, even if multiple things are happening at the same time. Becoming a mom has forced me to make a decision. I can't have everything (despite the popular Lean In philosophy), but I want everything.

The moment of clarity came to me the other night while walking with the family. I was trying to be the world's best wife, mom and employee and the pressure that I was putting on myself was completely taking over my brain and starting to creep into my marriage. Every night, Nick would listen to me talk in circles. Should I quit? Could I quit? If I quit, would I like it? Every night he would tell me that we could figure it out if I did, but that he wasn't convinced (and deep down, I'm not either) that becoming a stay at home mom would be the best fit for me.

At work, I'm finally hitting my stride. Social media is becoming more and more of a go-to marketing channel and I'm the one that is helping to shape and create the strategy that will drive it. I've worked very hard to get where I am and to do what I do. I take pride in the fact that my job has an impact on the lives of so many people, which is why I choose to work where I do.

Shortly after this conversation with Nick, I decided that I couldn't wait for timing to get better and I had to talk to my boss about a work from home day. I had been putting it off because of the insane workload that we are all dealing with right now, but it was becoming more and more apparent that the conversation couldn't wait.

Last week, our sitter called off at the last minute because her dad had a health issue. That meant that I got to stay home with B for the morning and then take him in to work with me in the afternoon. Although I was sad for our sitter (thank goodness her dad is okay), I was elated that I was "forced" to have that day. I also realized that I truly needed that day. It was more than a want, my soul needed to spend the extra time with B.

I asked the question, even though the timing wasn't right, and my boss agreed to let me work from home on Fridays. The only condition is that if I need to be in the office, I'm there, and I agree and understand. I'm on my second Friday with B and I can't describe the peace that I feel. Being away from him is difficult, but the light at the end of my weekly tunnel is closer now, and that makes everything easier.

I'm also finding that having a day with him is letting me be a better mom, wife and employee. I'm not trying to be everything at the same time and that is a huge relief and weight off of my shoulders. Having my day with him means that I don't feel the need to spend every waking minute with him on weekends. I can take time for myself and time for Nick and I, which will make me an even better mother and wife.

Four months in - my favorite things...so far

The other day, a fellow mom stopped me in the parking lot at BuyBuy Baby to ask my opinion on my stroller. I happily obliged and then promptly called Nick to tell him that I obviously looked like a legit, experienced mom who knew what I was doing. I may have squealed.

Last week, a former co-worker announced that she was expecting a Baby Girl and asked her mom friends for their favorite and necessary things. As a very opinionated lover of lists, I was happy to oblige. Of all of the stuff that we now have and use. These are the things that we use almost every day and that make this whole parenthood thing just a tad bit easier.

• The book, Baby Bargains. This helped us out a TON when we were registering. It is a great starting point for comparing products and brands. While we were in the store, someone even asked us to borrow it, which was kind of akward, but funny

• The DVD - The Happiest Baby on the Block. My friend Marci bought this for us and I received multiple recommendations that it was the must-have. This DVD will teach you some crucial calming techniques, including how to swaddle.

• A white noise machine for the nursery. We had no idea that we needed this, until we watched #3. Thank goodness for friends who knew and who bought this for us.

• A swing. We ended up having B in our room for the first month. This was more for us than for him, and the swing provided a cozy place for him to sleep until he got the boot into his own bedroom.

• A Moby wrap. I was a skeptical about the whole baby wearing thing, but the prospect of having my arms and hands back was irresistable. If you decide to use a wrap, give it time, and practice, practice, practice. It took me awhile to master this and I'll admit that there was almost a baby dropping incident. Note: It was almost, I caught him and it didn't happen again.

• If you decide to nurse, get a good breast pump. When I saw the milk starting to flow, I realized that it meant a little bit of freedom for me. I'm not going to lie - it also was pretty gratifying to see the amount that my body was producing, since I had no idea before. I have a Medela Freestyle. I picked it because it is small and lightweight with a timer and memory feature. 

• A Pack & Play with a changing table attached. This was a tip from several friends and I'm so glad we listened. Not only is it convenient, it was necessary during the first few weeks when I was told to limit my times up and down the stairs. 

• A Chicco KeyFit Caddy. This was something I saw in the Dr.'s office. Instead of using the gigantic stroller that comes with the travel system, this is essentially a stroller frame that accommodates the car seat. You clip the seat right in. It is light, easy to fold and much more convenient than the oversized stroller. I also realized that the area under neath is more accessible for this stage. Once B is out of the car seat and sitting up, this won't be as important, but for the first few months, its been fantastic.

• Muslin blankets. These work well because they are lightweight, oversized and great for swaddling. The best part is that they're also breathable, which means fewer mommy freak outs if the B pulls it near his face. Our favorite is aden + anais and they also make a great little security blanket. It is also muslin, trimmed in satin and helps keep his hands occupied at night. from BuyBuyBaby.

• A breast feeding pillow. I have three, and it might take you a few tries to find the one(s) that is right for you. My two favorites are the Boppy and My Brest Friend (yes that is really the name). It just depends on where I'm nursing as to which one I use.

• A video monitor. This was another recommendation. A parent told us that it helps you figure out when the cry is a cry versus a whine and they were right. We received the iBaby as a gift and can keep tabs on B from our phones or iPad. It wasn't a huge deal in the beginning because when he cried, he was hungry - but now it is awesome because he cries when he gets stuck on his belly, which means that it isn't something that requires a boob to fix.

• An extra car seat base. This seemed like a no-brainer and it is. Having one in each car makes drop offs and pick ups so much easier.

• A diaper Genie. Those diapers get stinky and the Diaper Genie keeps all of those diapers contained into a plastic bag for easy clean up and trash.

So. Did you make it all the way to the bottom? What are your favorite products? What should I start shopping for now that I'm into month 4?

It takes a village

The first 12 weeks of Bean's life were spent on maternity leave. We were happily involved in our daily schedule of horrible daytime TV, the occasional lunch out, cat naps and playtime. During this time, I was essentially a stay at home mom, 100% focused on feeding, changing and napping. I was also lucky that I had friends who checked in on me and who chatted with me about mommyhood and Baby B's latest antics.

As the time came for me to return to work, these friends, mostly moms, rallied around me for support. I received so many Facebook messages and texts as I prepared myself to head back to work. They had all been there. It had sucked. They survived. Their kids did too. Those little messages were like a chorus of virtual pep talks and cheers for me as I second guessed my decision and planned our latest version of normal.

As Monday morning loomed on the horizon, I approached it with dread and fear. What ended up happening was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I walked into the office and instead of hearing "is it tough to be back?" or "how did it feel to leave your baby?", I heard "I'm thinking about you today" or "It really sucks, but it gets easier" or "How are you holding up?". Suddenly, I saw the women in my office in a whole new light. I realized that they had been in my shoes, some more recently than others. 

These women all understood how I was feeling and knew that I was doing my best to hold it together. Instead of making jokes, they offered advice and hugs and sympathy, which truly made my day bearable. I even received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my boss.

When you transition from a stay at home mom to a working mom, you enter into a community of women who understand and who have all been there. Their support not only helps me get through the work day, but it helps me get through the evenings as Baby B adjusts to his new normal.

They say that it takes a village to raise a child, apparently in my case, it takes a CUBE village to support a working mom. Now that I know what it takes, my plan is to pay it forward as it was paid to me.

Being a mom

Every day, I learn a little bit more about what it means to be a mom to my two legger and to my four legger. Some days, the lessons are more intense than others. Last night, Baby B put us through the wringer. I'm still not all the way sure what happened, but the more I learn, the more I realize that I probably won't know and that's all part of being his mom. 

Last night, being a mom...

...meant that I was a detective, trying to figure out why my son went from happy and giggling, to sleeping soundly, to screaming hysterically...ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

...meant that my sleep was in a chair and on the couch, since Baby B fell asleep first on me and then in his swing (there was no way I was risking a move to his crib). 

...meant that my heart melted when Chino got up with us to see what all of the fuss was about, even though the crappy weather and new routine were cutting into his walk and playtime.

...meant that the smiles we saw this morning made it all ok.

...meant that I went to work without any sleep and will do it all again if I need to.

12 weeks

Dear Baby B,

I can hardly believe that it has been 12 weeks since you entered this world and about a year since you've entered our lives. This time last year, your daddy and I were talking about trying to have a baby and laughing as we pictured ourselves as parents (still not grown ups). The idea of it was especially surreal to me because I always knew that I would be a mother, but I could never picture myself as pregnant. Weird, I know.

While I was pregnant, I took good care of you, but I don't think I would have called myself a mom...yet. I was still working and socializing, while anxiously making plans for your arrival. Your daddy and I planned your nursery, signed up for classes, exercised, bought a sassy mommy car, found your babysitter and pediatrician. We made so many plans, based on what we assumed that parenthood would or should be.

One of our assumptions was that after 12 weeks at home with you, I would load you into my sassy mommy car, drive you to the sitter's house and then head to work, picking up right where I left off. I was 100% on board with this plan for quite awhile. I'll even admit to sitting on the kitchen floor, crying and begging your daddy to stay home with you while I headed into the office. It wasn't my proudest moment and I know now that it wasn't really me talking, it was those hormones. They're seriously no joke and it was only after I was on the other side of my postpartum depression that I realized how serious they were and what a patient and kind daddy that you have.

I've said this before, but I didn't expect to like you this much! I've loved you since before you we're born, but I didn't know how much fun I would have being your mom. You smile while I sing to you, you've mastered nursing and have the rolls to prove it, and I swear you want to start walking tomorrow. You are so patient as we learn how to take care of you, that its almost impossible for me to bear the thought of you spending your days with anyone else. I know your cries and I know how to comfort you. This week, you came down with your first cold and seemed to sleep best in my arms. Knowing that I've been able to help you rest while your body fights this nasty bug means the world to me...so much so that I'm willing to overlook the daily shower of baby barf that has accompanied this cold.

When you arrived, 12 weeks seemed like forever. It seemed like enough time for you to grow a little bigger and for me to heal. It seemed like enough time to for us to figure one another out. Now that my Return to Work day is looming, I realize that 12 weeks isn't any time at all. Actually, this fact dawned on me a few weeks ago, along with the onset of working mommy guilt when I began to question my decision to return to work full time. I began to realize that you'd be spending your days with someone else. I pictured her playing with you, singing you songs and comforting you while you were fussy, and frankly it makes my stomach hurt. However, the thought of walking away from a job and company that I believe in and worked hard to become a part of, also leaves me uneasy...and round and round I go.

This morning, we dropped you off at your new sitter's house. We really like her and you seemed to as well. I wasn't sure how I would feel, but it was as hard as I expected. I cried as I passed you over to her and again as your daddy and I walked out the door. I never want to feel that feeling again, but I know that I will tomorrow. I also know that to be the best mommy for you, I need to give this working mommy gig a shot. If it doesn't work out - we'll go back to our regularly scheduled program of horrible daytime TV and elastic pants.

Love,
Momma